Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The PHENOM called 'WOMAN'
One of God’s most intriguing and challenging creations is ‘the woman’. After generations of toil and conflict with all the Gods in heaven, a defined set of characteristics were agreed upon after consultation from every God in heaven. It was agreed that each God has to give some valuable input and create an astounding creature of immeasurable power and a complicated mind. It was a battle in heaven.
All the Gods wanted to attribute the best and most alluring features to ‘the woman’. The Greek gods won the battle of supremacy in terms of complications and ‘the woman’ we know today is a result of unknown and unheard of mathematical proportions, quantum physics and molecular chemistry.
If only the Greek Gods had restrained themselves to creating ‘the woman’ in an easy and simple manner, men of today won’t have the gazillion tribulations. Thanks to the lack of co-operation from the gods we are bestowed with a global phenomenon in her own right, WOMEN.
Women are probably the most difficult creatures to understand. They are a form of ape that still continues to astonish men. The male gender has always been swayed by the powers of the women; and needless to say , women always have a way of having their way against men. There have been a million movies, books, famous personalities who have tried to crack the enigma; women. I too like many great men have succumbed to studying God’s astoundingly difficult and different creature. Even before an attempt at decoding women I already realize that I have failed as centuries of scholars have made vain attempts. Nevertheless, there is no harm in trying or covering another chink in the armor for men, when it comes to battle with Amazon.
A small example to narrate the improbability of women: I had a date with a girl/woman recently. I walked into coffee day and sat there with the intention of sipping my favourite frappe and fiddling around with her expensive blackberry. I give her the menu to which she answers ‘I am a regular; I have literally memorized the menu ’. I called the waiter and placed my order and the waiter wanted my apparent girlfriend’s order. This is where she decided to play ‘I am a woman and I am nuts’. She took the menu and started staring it, to which I asked ‘I thought you memorized the menu already?’. She replied ‘No harm in looking at it once more?’. Fair enough, maybe women in general have a queer memory problem. The waiter was waiting with his pen and paper for the slightest response. An entire minute passes. She later looked at me and said or rather asked ‘I want to have something cold but I feel like having something hot. What do you suggest?’. Ok hold on, I did not typed that wrong. That was the exact thing she asked! We men don’t complicate things, we want to have a drink; we have the damn drink. Bemused by her question I told her to have something cold; simple because I can take a sip as well ;-) . To which she retorted in that cute voice of hers (this is where men fail. We are incapable of drawing boundaries when women emit cute moans. It turns us on and we can’t do anything about it!) ‘But, I wannaaaa have somethin’ HOOOOOTTTT’ . I should’ve replied ‘In your place or mine?’ I proscribed myself and asked her to order something HOOOOTTTT if she wanted it. Almost immediately she replied mournfully ‘But I feel like having something cold’. Wait a second. This has happened before. This was a déjà-vu. As a matter of fact, this has happened with countless girls I have met and sometimes even with my mom. I tried hard to recollect my composure and was wondering what to say. To my relief, the waiter bent down and whispered to my ear ‘I’ll be back. It happens all the time’. I could’ve sworn that he said ‘It happens with women’. I was too shaken to listen carefully.
The beauty of this incident is at the end, she ended up ordering a sandwich much to my puzzled and gaping look.
My analysis and understanding of women takes a blow every time I meet a new one. They are all so unique and have volatile properties just like the chemicals my chemistry sir taught me about. I wonder if he has any luck in understanding women. I doubt even women understand other women or at times even themselves. Many a times they have no clue as to what they are saying and they will never admit it. Instead you will always read texts on you mobile and social networking sites singing glorious odes about sophisticated women and how they are Gods most dazzling creation. Well, let me assure you women, as much as you all love to praise yourselves and sing grandiloquent songs about yourselves, we men are not bothered and are least worried.
As a message very expressively put it; men are simple...
We are HUNGRY.HORNY.SLEEPY.
P.S: I intend to start an entire series of ‘MY FAILED EXPERIMENTS WITH WOMEN’. What say? Are you with me?